珊瑚

even from beyond the normal depth-of-perception my eyes were usually keen, i knew she was a heroin addict from her withered cheeks. we all look like that, i thought

she hugged herself, eyes out the bus window, rocking back and forth. i approached her.

"i've been there, sweetheart," i said idly, with folded paper bearing the countenance of the former president Jackson extended in my hand.

i'm always the fool for an addict. even though i understand just how crafty their nature, my emotions can do nought but to emphasize. as i walked back to the front of the bus, she said something i cannot recall that caught my attention. we sat and talked until we reached her terminal, after which, she gestured me to follow along. i took a swig from my flask and obliged.

it is surprising how a woman's body can tempt even the most chaste of men should he be deprived of bodily pleasure for an extended period.

i don't remember the sex, but i do remember her leaving with the last few hundred dollars in my wallet. i was too drunk to fight, too drunk to care. and perhaps, i felt partially, i deserved it. at the least, i had enough alcohol on my person to keep me drunk for at least a few days.

i stumbled to my feet at the beginnings of twilight, found my way out of the wooded area the woman had led me. i looked around for a second, in disbelief, and laughed. i used to live precisely here, on this very street. i suppose the depth of my current stupor made me oblivious to this: i went to school right around the corner. i took another hard swig, and, rather than try to go home, i traveled further west.

it was not long before i stood at locked gates of the middle school which i had frequented in my youth. at this point, the sun had almost entirely been consumed by the horizon of earth, and little if all light remained extant in the western sky.

i stumbled into the woods blindly, hoping to reach an area i knew in my younger years had existed.

but before long i discovered, face and arms scarred from tumbling through dense branches, that almost the entirety of that place had been consumed by dense swamp. my shoes and pant-legs were sopping wet. i stumbled out of the marsh, found a dry area to collapse onto.

no sooner than my body had hit the ground did i reach for the alcohol in my jacket pocket. grabbing a few loose benzos from my right pocket, i swallowed a markedly large gulp.

it was time for me to sleep.

August 25, 2019

"If you keep drinking like you are, you're going to be dead within a few years," I was told. But such words could do hell but to reach me.

Just twenty-one years old, and already my liver was damn near close to giving up the ghost.

In a way I was proud; I had reached the ranks of all those I had admired faster they they could have even dreamed. What a life; what an absolute concept. But such a life was, no, is, proving to destroy me faster than even I can fathom.

It is definitely one of those nights where I am lonely and cold as all hell, have way too much alcohol flowing through my emaciated veins to even pretend to exist, and all I can manage is shot after shot to prevent how much I should ordinarily suffer, prevent any thought as to a past or future I might possess. Like Joe had said about animals, there existed no future or past; these are merely human-bred concepts. All that could really be was the present; whether you wanted to fuck or drink or dance or sing or whatever, all that there was in this life was the present.

I laughed because even the idea of a present was merely a human invention. If we were no more than animals, surely we couldn't be aware of even that, could we not? The basic ability to discern even just one set of time from any other, was in and of itself, proof that humans were a little too fundamentally different to classify in the terms of beasts.

But people will continue to have their false bravado

so strong that it'd poison all those around them,

without any regret or perhaps even awareness of what exactly they are doing, what exactly the damage they are causing.

All we have is a minimum wage paycheck that allows us to inebriate ourselves to the point of subservience a few days a week to justify our slavery for the rest of our lives.